I'm Going To Be Paying For A While..............

Oh man - what a weekend! Where to start?

Friday - One gold medal. But hubby was tired that night and besides, we were on the phone all evening with relatives to give them the news about our visa interview. So a rain check was written for that night.

Saturday - 9 freakin' medals - 4 gold, 1 silver, 4 bronze. And I got smart earlier and said they would take six in one day. How optimistic of me! But that night, I wasn't feeling well so we put it off for another night.

Sunday - another 8 medals. All right, I want to see some drug testing and I want to see it now! 4 gold, 3 silver, 1 bronze. Tonight, there was no getting out of it. I got a spanking, followed by 6 cracks of the riding crop. But better that than the cane! So a gold and a bronze paid for.

We have agreed that I will continue to pay off all the medals until they are all accounted for - I'll still be working on this list when the next Olympics rolls around! Only 8 gold, 4 silver, and 4 bronze to go - so far! So I have a message for the British team. In theatre, we tell people to break a leg as it is bad luck to wish someone good luck. Therefore, to the Brits I say - good luck, good luck, good luck, good luck! And just to be on the safe side - break a leg while you're at it!

By the way - congrats to Canada! 7 medals - woo-hoo!
I also have to say - as much as I am rooting for the USA, and as much as I wanted Michael Phelps to get his 8 golds, I don't think he won that 7th one. Anyone else think that? I need to see some more good photos of that slow motion finish before I am convinced that he beat Cavic in the 100M Butterfly. Even the commentators over here were screaming that there was a mistake and there was no way Phelps won. Just my opinion.

Britain Wins 9 Medals In One Day......

Ssssshhhhhhhhhh! I'm hiding..........................

How I Feel Today..............

The woman in this video looks like how I feel today! Picture me dancing around the living room! We got the letter from the US Embassy today - hubby finally has his interview date for his green card! Three weeks from now! We'll be back in the States by October! Excuse all the exclamation points! I'm - we're - going home! Yippee! I'm so excited.......!

P.S. On the other news, Britian got a gold medal today, so I'll have to pay for that later. But I'm in such a good mood, I don't care!

A Day Off!

Aw gee - England did not win one single medal of any color or description today! Woo-hoo! My butt gets a day of vacation. And I feel fairly confident saying that now as it is now 11:30pm in China, and unless they have vampires on the teams, I don't think there will be any more medals won today. (Doing the happy dance instead of the ouchie one.)

Would you believe, when I gave hubby this piece of news, his response was, 'Well, I guess I could use a night off'. .... Ex-CUSE ME? HE could use a night off?! Doesn't that just prove the point I made in an earlier post about whiny tops complaining that their hands hurt or their arms are tired?! HA! If he thinks he's getting any sympathy from me, he's barking up the wrong bottom. I think this evening I may just have to wiggle my backside at him every chance I get, and just when he is ready to grab it, remind him that it's his 'night off', so hands off! LOL! Sorry folks, but at 9:30pm tonight, I will sitting on my butt, not waving it in the air, and happily watching Big Brother from the safety of my couch. (I'm taking any chance I get to gloat because I know, at least one day in the next week and a half, England is going to get a surge in energy and snap up half a dozen medals in one day.) And to those of you who are rooting for England to win, I have just one word - ppppppffffffftttttttttt!

ROFLMAO!

I just got a message on my guestbook saying, 'It's 4:39pm. Is the ab toner in use?' I love it! Nice to know people are reading my blog! No, dear, no ab toner tonight. But I did get bent over the side of the bed, panties pulled down, spanked until I squealed, and then 20 swats with the lucite paddle, the one with the holes in it. OWWWWW! Thank you ever so much, Team GB, for that silver medal in the women's timed cycling trials. Dear god - we haven't even gotten to the track and field or rowing finals yet, and I know the Brits are favored for medals in a lot of those. I'm in BIG trouble!

We did agree tonight that medals in boxing don't count as neither one of us will recognize that barbarian, morally reprehensible practice as a sport. If you walked up to a guy in a pub and punched him, you'd end up in jail. It's assault and it's not a sport - it's senseless brutality. People win by beating the crap out of the other guy. So caveman and primitive - haven't we evolved past that? Bullies with way too much testosterone and a chip on their shoulder. But since they consent to it, it's ok? So that begs the question - I give my consent to be spanked, so why could they still jail my hubby for it? Where's the fairness in that? Ok, that's my rant for the night. Just my opinion, and I'll stick by it.

Daily Olympic Count

Well, it's now after 6PM in China, so hopefully all the medals that are going to be won today have been. At least I pray they have. Britain got a silver today - in canoeing (now that's interesting - my spellcheck wanted to change that word to caning!). You know, I think I should have negotiated a lesser penalty for 'Events That Nobody Gives A Rat's *ss About'! Dumb me - popular event, obscure event, I get the same sore butt. LOL! Not complaining though (well, not really). I'm just curious to see who has the stamina to last out the whole two weeks of the Games - hubby or me! We know how these tops can whine about how sore their hands get and how tired their arms are - awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Luckily, no cane tonight as my butt is still a bit tender after last night's 6 strokes. Not overly painful - just that warm burn when you sit down. Lovely................................. I get the feeling that that will change by about 10pm tonight! Words of encouragement from my readers are always appreciated.

P.S. Damn - spoke too soon. The horsey set just pulled off a bronze in the Team Horse Jumping. Oh well - at least it isn't a gold!
P.S.S. And another bronze! What are these Brits trying to do to me?

UPDATE: The debt is paid for another night. Bent over the bed for a handspanking on the bare. I think he went kind of easy on me as I had 3 medals to pay for. But he still has a hard hand! After that, it was 20 swats with the leather paddle. Owwwwww! Those had my feet dancing all over the floor! Then a bit more spanking until he decided I had paid an appropriate price. And I have these lycra stretchy panties on so when he pulled them back up, all that heat got trapped inside. Wow - lots of warmth. (Ladies, if you want to feel the heat, I highly recommend lycra-type panties. They don't breathe like cotton so they hold everything in!) But I also got a bit of a treat. Before the panties came back up, I got a lovely back and butt massage, all up and down my body. Yummmmmmm...... That was worth the spanking and the paddling!
I do think I've created a monster, though. Tonight he asked if this agreement extended through the Paralympics, which are on right after the Olympics! I said NO! LOL!

On a more contemplative note - those of you who read my blog know that I have always had an interest in the domestic discipline side of spanking (duh), while my husband leans more toward the use of spanking as foreplay. He couldn't grasp 'punishing' me, as any time he spanked me, he would then immediately want sex (which is fine - not complaining - thank god my fat butt turns him on!). Just could not separate spanking from sex. I think this whole challenge for the two weeks of the Games is having the unexpected effect of helping him to do just that! The first couple of nights, of course it ended with sex. But tonight, the third night in a row, was a bit much for either of us in that department so he was quite happy to just spank me and then say goodnight. So maybe over the next couple of weeks he might come to see and enjoy the merits of spanking for its own sake. This could be a very good step in the right direction!

Damn Brits

Well, another gold and a bronze medal today for the Brits! So at 9:30 tonight, I got told to go to the bedroom and get in position. Kind of an odd feeling to just go into the room, throw yourself over some pillows on the bed, and await your fate. For the bronze medal, I got a long handspanking, first over the panties and then on the bare. My hubby has a hard hand! Then it was on to the gold medal. We agreed to a warm up before the cane, so I thought the spanking for the bronze would be enough of a warm up. No! Hubby decided I needed a bit more warming up, so I got a few with the paddle too. Not fair! Then it was 6 strokes of the cane. Ye-ouch! At least he did let me request that he use the light nursery cane instead of the senior cane. (Nursery, senior - yes, they have weird classifications for their canes over here.) I don't ever want that senior one - it is thick and thuddy! At least the other one is just more stingy. So now we will have to wait and see what the Brits do tomorrow. Maybe they'll give me a reprieve and have a bad day. Come on anybody but England!

Hubby is definitely enjoying this. Afterwards, he asked if this same arrangement was going to apply to the Winter Olympics in 2010! I think we have flicked his spanking switch...........

Crap!

England just got a gold medal in women's cycling. My husband is snickering. Guess we know what is happening in our house tonight. Couldn't England have started out with a bronze so I could ease into this!?

UPDATE: 10PM. At 9:30 on the dot, I was informed that I had an appointment and taken to the bedroom. He had placed our inflatable ab toner (those wedge-shaped things) across the bed and a step stool beside the bed. I had to step up on the stool and lay over the ab toner. My panties quickly hit the floor and he started the warm-up spanking. That lasted for a few minutes until he decided I was red enough. Six strokes of the cane were next as he sang the praises of Ms. Cook (the cyclist who won the gold medal). I have to say, I think the warm-up hurt more than the cane, but only because he took it easy on me since I'm not used to the cane. We then made further use of my position over the ab toner, but this isn't that kind of blog! Now, can we please all hope that if England gets any more medals tomorrow, they are of the silver or bronze variety so I can get a little recovery time? Better yet, give 'em all to some poor country that never wins anything!

Safe so far...............

Whew! Britain didn't win any medals today! But I have to tell you - setting up this wagering system has had some interesting effects.......

The TV has been on all day, tuned to the Games. Hubby, who never watches this kind of stuff, has been glued to the set any time England is competing. We also don't mention spanking in the usual course of conversation. Well, today it has been the main topic! He has had great fun telling me, 'Your butt has just been saved! England just got knocked out of the running for a medal in (name of event here)'. He is also highly amused by my style of cheering for the athletes. Usually, I'm yelling at the TV, 'Go USA!'. Now, it's 'Go anybody but England!'. Earlier, he was even talking to the TV, telling the British team to 'Get motivated, boys!' We have a chart made up so we can keep track of any medals that England wins and check off that I have paid my 'penalty'.

So we are definitely having fun. He is actually enjoying the Olympics and there is a lot of teasing and threatening going on regarding what my butt is in for. It's really been an icebreaker.

Spanking For England

(Yeah, right. London. 2012. Talk about a cluster fu....... Never mind - that's for another post.)

Oh, dear reader, I fear that I have really gone and stepped in it this time! Wait a minute - who am I trying to kid? I jumped right into it with both feet. What, you may ask, is IT? Shall I explain?

As you know, I am a huge fan of the Olympics. So while watching the Opening Ceremonies today, a thought came to me. I've been trying to find a way to jump start our spanking life. What if I were to make a game of the Games? I, of course, am cheering for the good old USA. So I thought some more, and finally hatched my plan.

I waited this evening until we had eaten dinner and were just being couch potatoes. Finally, I screwed up my nerve and asked hubby what he thought about making the next 16 days of the Games more interesting. He replied with a cocked eyebrow and a 'Go on............' I plunged in. Choosing my words carefully, I suggested that we could set 'penalties' that I would have to pay every time England won a medal. He wanted to know if that only applied to gold medals or if we were talking all medals. *Gulp* Apparently, he was warming to the idea!

I agreed that it could be for all medals. Yes, I did my research before suggesting this harebrained scheme. In 2004, England took 30 medals - 9 gold, 9 silver, and 12 bronze. Figured they weren't going to do any better than that and I could handle that much. Surely for the good of our spanking future I could make the sacrifice!

He next asked what sort of penalties I had in mind. Well, of course I had already thought that through, but I wanted him to get invested in the process, so I asked him what he thought they should be. Amazingly, he came up with pretty much what I had thought of! The following is what we settled on: a timed hand-spanking for bronze medals, a warm-up followed by 20 whacks with the implement of his choice excluding the cane or crop for silver, and a warm-up followed by 6 strokes of the cane or the crop for gold. He decided that I would check the medal standings every day at the same time for any British medals won in the previous 24 hours, and at 9:30 each evening, I would pay my penalties. Payments are limited to 3 per night (like England is going to win more than 3 medals in any one day!); more than that can be carried over to the next day. I also get a break between each penalty, probably to be spent as cornertime.

After that was settled, hubby was in a spanking mood so I was dragged off to the bedroom to pay the piper for another incident earlier today. You see, we had dentist appointments today. I have a terrible phobia about dentists. I have also gone like a good girl to every appointment for the last six years that I have lived here. Well, today it wasn't happening. We headed for the office and I just started to freak out. Nothing major, just racing heartbeat and feeling very anxious. Very strange - it simply is not in my nature to flip out like that. I finally told hubby that I couldn't do it - I was just not in the mood for anyone to be poking around in my mouth today. He laughed and said it was ok to chicken out. He also made the comment that he was going to smack my bum, to which I replied that I didn't care! Then he knew I was serious - I was willing to skip an appointment that we would still have to pay for since we cancelled at the last minute, and I never do anything like that. So he went in for his check-up while I stayed in the car. Would you believe - our dentist is really such a nice man, he wouldn't let us pay for my appointment! He said he understood, and he knew that I was very phobic about him in the first place (the first time we met, I told him I had a simple philosophy about dentists - you hurt me, I hurt you back), so he let it go. I felt much better about it after knowing that and figured I was off the hook. No such luck! Sitting here now on a warm backside as I type.

So what do you think of our Olympic spankings? Have I gotten myself into the deep stuff at the far end of the pond? Whatever - for the next couple of weeks, any time England wins a medal, think of me at 9:30pm GMT (4:30PM ET) and the fact that I am taking a spanking for England! And let's all pray that the British athletes are not having a banner year!

For once, England is first!

Oh boy! The Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics are today! I've been waiting for this. We never watch sports in this house (except for Cleveland Indians baseball), but for the next two weeks there will be nothing but on the telly. And we get it first for a change! The Opening Ceremonies are being broadcast live here, which means they start at 12:45PM here, which is only 7:45AM Eastern time, and you in the States don't get the show until 7:30PM Eastern time tonight. So I'll have seen the whole thing hours before it even kicks off over there (even though I will see it from the angle that the BBC wants me to see it. That's ok - I'm going to watch the US broadcast again tonight on my sling box.). I'm impressed...........
However, they don't always get it right over here. When the Commonwealth Games were on (the European version of the Olympics), they identifed Susan Sarandon as Suzanne Sar(rhymes with share)-an-done(rhymes with condone). Still makes us giggle.............
Let the Games begin! Hey, maybe this is an opportunity to make some spanking bets with hubby - USA versus England. Nah - maybe not. I'd win all the bets and still be spankless.

UPDATE: Ok, I'm only 15 minutes into the show, and I have to tell you - if you weren't planning on watching, you're making a big mistake! This is spectacular!

Big Brother

I'm watching the UK version of Big Brother tonight. One of the guys is named Rex and they surprised him by putting his girlfriend, Nicole, in the house. Let me tell you - he doesn't call her Princess for nothing! I keep hoping we will hear the voice of Big Brother saying:

'Will Rex please come to the Diary Room
and bring his whiny-ass, boo-hooing,
never-worked-a-day-in-her-life
spoiled rotten Princess with him?'

Everybody (over here) wonders when they are going to see the first verified episode of a couple having sex on this show. Not me! Bring on the first ever bare bottom, prime time, televised, reality show butt blistering! If I ever needed to see the living embodiment of someone who truly needs a good spanking, this girl is it......................

Movie Review

Decided that if I was going to whine about the absense of good DD movies out there, I could at least tell you about some of the on-topic movies that ARE out there (that I've seen) and how they fit into our 'kink'. So here you go:




Fetishes (1996)
Nick Broomfield
Running time: 83 minutes
(Out of 5)
(See trailer below)




Fetishes is a film by Nick Broomfield, the master documentary maker (Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer and Heidi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam, among others). It is part of his Documenting Icons series. Filmed in 1996 at the famous Pandora’s Box in Manhattan, NY, it looks at the role in society of a house of domination. Run by Mistress Raven - who bears a striking resemblance to Cher - Pandora’s Box is home to a number of dominatrices who cater to both male and female clients.

The documentary begins with archival black and white footage of a Bettie Page film. We are then introduced to the setting of Pandora’s Box - the fifth floor of a busy office building in downtown Manhattan. It caters to submissives who pay up to $1,000 for a single session (in 1996). That such an establishment operates legally in the midst of a busy city catches you off guard (it is legal as there is no sex allowed on the premises). Then we meet the Mistresses.

These women are a contradiction in terms. At first, they have you believe that they are noble and in control, providing a much-needed service. But in the blink of an eye, they can suddenly seem damaged and vulnerable. There is Natasha, who is described as the toughest of the dominatrices. Put her in a pony tail and you have the local Midwestern high school head cheerleader. Raised in a fundamentalist Christian school, she has a spiny pet iguana named Spike that she sleeps with. Probably says a lot about how she keeps men at a distance. In one shot, she first slaps a client in the head and then turns to look wistfully into the camera, saying ‘yeah, I’d like to get married and have kids some day’. In another scene, she is dealing with a male client who is into infantilism and is dressed as a young girl. Natasha is brushing his hair, and it becomes quite violent as she begins to yell at him that ‘being a big girl means pain in this world today’. One begins to wonder if it is the clients or the mistresses who have issues to work out here.

The other women are equally interesting and contradictory. Delilah was trained in the American School of Ballet and now works in research in her ‘normal’ job. She handles the more sensuous sessions (if you call clothespins stuck all over your body sensuous). Katherine is called the most sadistic and is an expert with a bullwhip. A very ethereal redhead, she comments that it’s ‘just kind of nice to be able to beat somebody every once in a while’, but later, in her apartment (which she moved into after splitting from her husband), claims ‘I can have a very healthy, normal relationship with a man’. Beatrice is the business manager, a French woman with a thick accent who they, of course, have handle the phone, which can lead to some interesting misunderstandings.

The establishment is designed to cater to any fantasy. There is the French dungeon with the guillotine (non-working), stocks, cages, and all manner of primitive forms of torture. There is the medical room which is very sterile and lit so that it looks like a set from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Every type of medical equipment that ever made you squirm is there to be used. A number of other rooms are available, though not all are shown on camera. However you desire to be submissive, it can be arranged.

I think that some aspects of a place like this are harmless. The guy who is into being a slave, dressing as a maid and coming in to clean the place every week, doing it not for pay but just for the privilege of serving his Mistress! (Where can I get me one of these?) But there were also some very disturbing instances. One client who has thoughts of genocide and killing people comes to be humiliated. They call him a socio-political client. I call him nuts. He says that with all the freaky thoughts in his head, he can calm down by doing something freaky. So they make him lick a toilet clean. (Nick looks decidedly uncomfortable when he has to interview a naked man whose head is in a toilet!) Personally, I would get this guy a psychiatrist and a Thorazine drip real quick like.

As I said in an earlier post, there are not many movies out there for someone like me who wants a gentler form of BDSM - the DD type. This is one of those that sometimes goes too far in places for people like me (I had to look away during the nipple piercing). But it does the job of answering Broomfield’s assertation that ‘most fetishes are the eroticization of one’s worst fears and nightmares. They reflect the worst thing that one could imagine happening’. I guess that is also true for those of us into DD, only on a MUCH lighter level, with the worst thing we could imagine being a spanking. For a great behind-the-scenes look at many different fetishes, including some good corporal punishment stuff, this is the film to watch. The ending is also fun as all the Mistresses gang up on Nick, claiming they owe him a session. He puts up a good fight and makes like King Kong, climbing up a piece of equipment to try to escape them. Available in the US on its own and also as part of the Documenting Icons box set. The full, uncut version (which I have) is available in the UK.

Pandora’s Box is apparently still in operation, though it seems to have moved as it now has its premises housed in a large basement facility in the Chelsea district of Manhattan. It has also merged with another domination studio, Den of Iniquity.

I've Been Shopping.........

Three new books will soon be on my bookshelf:

Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica

The True Confessions of a London Spank Daddy

Domestic Discipline

These all look interesting. I'll let you know what I think of them after they arrive and I've had a chance to read them. Decided I needed something new for my summer reading!

We Need A Good Spanking......................

Movie! The latest episode of Weeds really got me craving a good, full length DD type of movie. I know the Weeds spanking wasn't DD, but the realism of it was really refreshing. For those of you who haven't seen the clip -



So many of the spanking movies out there seem to have a different goal in mind than I do. Lots of them use spanking as foreplay, which is fine, but you can always sense that the spanking is just a way of getting from Point A to Point B (point B being sex). There is no real feel of DD in these movies. Too many shots of female genitalia, and the guy usually ends up naked too. Not conducive to putting me in a 'I've been a naughty girl - spank me' mood. There also tends to be a lot of slap and tickle going on, with lots of oooh's and ahhh's and giggling. I just can't get into the proper submissive mode when I'm watching a woman giving the guy a come hither look, moaning 'oh no, sir, please don't spank me' as she slowly turns her back to him and thrusts out her bottom while she leans over the nearest convenient pool table. Who's really in charge here? I want to see the man rolling up his sleeves (as he still has his shirt on) as he advances on his misbehaving wife. I want to see her backing away and looking for an escape route as she tries to talk him out of it. I want to see the struggle as she tries to get away from the painful swats that are landing on her bottom. I want to hear the Toppy lecture as he tells her what she has done wrong and what he is going to do about it. I want Point B to be the spanking!

The other type of spanking movie that seems to be the most common is the one that goes too far - the BDSM scene. Sorry, I can't take dog collars, whips and chains seriously, and hell would have to freeze over before I would call any man Sir and kneel at his feet. He can get me into the corner for a good scolding, but the Master/slave thing just doesn't do it for me. I don't need to see her tied to equipment that turns the whole thing into a circus act. I don't want to see angry red stripes criss-crossing a bottom until it looks like she sat on a hot grill and then slid down a concrete embankment on her bare butt. And if there is any blood? Forget about it! And then she still gives him a blow job! I'd be looking for the nearest sawed-off shotgun.....................

Don't get me wrong - these films have their place and their audience. I begrudge no one their kink. But from what I read on the blogs, there are a lot of us out there who are wanting more realism in our kink, and I don't feel like anyone is catering to us. We just want a harmless crime and a reasonable punishment. Fade out on the sniffling wife as she stands in the corner with her bright red bottom glowing. It seems like there is a huge market out there of people like me and someone is missing out on filling a need. (I bitch about this a lot at home - my hubby keeps telling me I should start making movies - LOL!) Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. If anyone knows a good source of these kinds of movies, please tell me! I need more than 2 minute clips.

Yippee!

We have received some very good news here this week. My husband was on the waiting list for heart surgery here in the UK. We finally got the appointment with the consultant for this past Monday. We went and they did more tests and then we waited some more, fully expecting to be given a date for the surgery. Instead, the consultant told us that no surgery was needed! Woohoo! So today I have been happily starting all the arrangements for our big move. Our next hurdle is my husband's visa, but we had already done the biggest part of that before we put it on hold while we waited for this operation. So that has now been kick-started today and I've been on the phone all day lining up quotes for a shipping container to move all our crap back over the ocean. (I am so tempted to go with the easy move package - a can of gas and a match.) It's so exciting - if all goes well, we could actually be back in the States by mid-October - Christmas in Florida! Let's just hope that Immigration doesn't hold things up (should be fairly automatic as I am an American citizen - just have to get them to cough up an interview date). Wish us luck!

Holy sh*t, Batman!

It is 79 degrees here in England today! I'm speechless....... I just can't say any more..... I'm all verklempt..............

Applications now being accepted............

I have come to a conclusion. I need a new girlfriend. Um - let me explain that. I have lots of girlfriends. Some I've had for over 25 years. But none that extend into the side of my life that includes spanking. The only person I can talk to about that is my husband. I'm craving girl talk. Conversations that go naturally from the weather to our last shopping trip to our kids to the last spanking we got (or didn't get). Someone to share those experiences with as easily as talking about the last movie we saw. Someone who wouldn't be shocked when 'that' subject comes up. So I'm putting the idea out there. I'm looking for someone who is around my age (48) so that we might have had similar life experiences (kids, marriage, etc.). I'm an American living in England, so nationality doesn't matter as long as we can understand each other. I have a wicked sense of humor, so I'd love to talk to someone who isn't easily offended, but who is not overly offensive either. I like to hear about other people, but also want someone who is just as interested in me. I already have people in my life who are happy to talk to you as long as they are telling you about themself, but the minute you start to fill them in about your life, they have to go cook dinner. I'm just a normal, fun person who would like to have interesting conversations with another sane woman. We could start out as pen (email) pals, and then, if we like, move on to phone conversations. And that's as far as I see taking this. Don't worry - I'm not a weirdo who is looking to stalk someone and infringe upon their personal life. I just want someone I can talk to, damnit! (And I even have an insanely cheap calling plan, so I can make all the phone calls, even long distance ones to the States. I basically get them free.) So if there are any other normal females out there who would also like to be able to talk about this subject (and others - I would hope that wouldn't be ALL we would talk about) to another female, let me know. I'm told I'm a great listener and a good friend!

P.S. This is great - I've gotten responses from a couple of you and I'm looking forward to talking to you to see if we hit it off! But I can't get back to you as I don't have your email! Please be sure to go to my guestbook and leave me a private message with your email so I can get back in touch with you. Don't use the email link in the guestbook as that uses Outlook and I don't have that set up on my computer so I can't see your email address. Just type it into your message, and I'll drop you a line straight away.

Non-traditional use of chairs...................

We're all familiar with the traditional image of the OTK spanking - the spanker seated on the straight-backed, armless chair, his hapless spankee tumbled over his lap with her bottom in the air:

But I have found that I quite like the positions where there has been a more creative use of this common, everyday piece of furniture.

This one is definitely unusual. Not sure how practical it is, but you can be sure her hands won't be flying back to try to protect her bottom!


The two-chair approach. Much more stable than using just one chair.


How intriguing! Maybe not a good position for a rigid implement like a paddle, but looks like it would work well with the flexible ones like this tawse.


This one is just cute as hell. I'm sure she would have to be a very willing participant as it would be very easy to just flip off his lap, but still cute.

And my all time favorite:

Again, not good for rigid implements as he would take a chance on slapping himself in the thigh, and the spankee has to be pretty flexible as well, but it seems to be just the ticket for that slipper he is swinging!

So what's your favorite use of the chair? Are you a traditionalist, or are you more adventuresome, preferring something that looks like a balancing act in the circus? Personally, I'll take whatever I can get, but some of these look like they would be fun to try!

This elephant gets more action than I do..........

I discovered an on-topic story this week that I had never heard of before. It is even by Rudyard Kipling, no less! I consider myself a fairly literate person and am shocked that I had never heard of this. What's worse is that I have a socially unacceptable show like Big Brother (the UK version) to thank for introducing it to me. Here it is for your enjoyment:

The Elephant's Child

IN the High and Far-Off Times the Elephant, O Best Beloved, had no trunk. He had only a blackish, bulgy nose, as big as a boot, that he could wriggle about from side to side; but he couldn't pick up things with it. But there was one Elephant--a new Elephant--an Elephant's Child--who was full of 'satiable curtiosity, and that means he asked ever so many questions. And he lived in Africa, and he filled all Africa with his 'satiable curtiosities. He asked his tall aunt, the Ostrich, why her tail-feathers grew just so, and his tall aunt the Ostrich spanked him with her hard, hard claw. He asked his tall uncle, the Giraffe, what made his skin spotty, and his tall uncle, the Giraffe, spanked him with his hard, hard hoof. And still he was full of 'satiable curtiosity! He asked his broad aunt, the Hippopotamus, why her eyes were red, and his broad aunt, the Hippopotamus, spanked him with her broad, broad hoof; and he asked his hairy uncle, the Baboon, why melons tasted just so, and his hairy uncle, the Baboon, spanked him with his hairy, hairy paw. And still he was full of 'satiable curtiosity! He asked questions about everything that he saw, or heard, or felt, or smelt, or touched, and all his uncles and his aunts spanked him. And still he was full of 'satiable curtiosity!

One fine morning in the middle of the Precession of the Equinoxes this 'satiable Elephant's Child asked a new fine question that he had never asked before. He asked, 'What does the Crocodile have for dinner?' Then everybody said, 'Hush!' in a loud and dretful tone, and they spanked him immediately and directly, without stopping, for a long time.

By and by, when that was finished, he came upon Kolokolo Bird sitting in the middle of a wait-a-bit thorn-bush, and he said, 'My father has spanked me, and my mother has spanked me; all my aunts and uncles have spanked me for my 'satiable curtiosity; and still I want to know what the Crocodile has for dinner!'

Then Kolokolo Bird said, with a mournful cry, 'Go to the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees, and find out.'

That very next morning, when there was nothing left of the Equinoxes, because the Precession had preceded according to precedent, this 'satiable Elephant's Child took a hundred pounds of bananas (the little short red kind), and a hundred pounds of sugar-cane (the long purple kind), and seventeen melons (the greeny-crackly kind), and said to all his dear families, 'Goodbye. I am going to the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees, to find out what the Crocodile has for dinner.' And they all spanked him once more for luck, though he asked them most politely to stop.

Then he went away, a little warm, but not at all astonished, eating melons, and throwing the rind about, because he could not pick it up.

He went from Graham's Town to Kimberley, and from Kimberley to Khama's Country, and from Khama's Country he went east by north, eating melons all the time, till at last he came to the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees, precisely as Kolokolo Bird had said.

Now you must know and understand, O Best Beloved, that till that very week, and day, and hour, and minute, this 'satiable Elephant's Child had never seen a Crocodile, and did not know what one was like. It was all his 'satiable curtiosity.

The first thing that he found was a Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake curled round a rock.

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child most politely, 'but have you seen such a thing as a Crocodile in these promiscuous parts?'

'Have I seen a Crocodile?' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake, in a voice of dretful scorn. 'What will you ask me next?'

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child, 'but could you kindly tell me what he has for dinner?'

Then the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake uncoiled himself very quickly from the rock, and spanked the Elephant's Child with his scalesome, flailsome tail.

'That is odd,' said the Elephant's Child, 'because my father and my mother, and my uncle and my aunt, not to mention my other aunt, the Hippopotamus, and my other uncle, the Baboon, have all spanked me for my 'satiable curtiosity--and I suppose this is the same thing.

So he said good-bye very politely to the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake, and helped to coil him up on the rock again, and went on, a little warm, but not at all astonished, eating melons, and throwing the rind about, because he could not pick it up, till he trod on what he thought was a log of wood at the very edge of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees.

But it was really the Crocodile, O Best Beloved, and the Crocodile winked one eye--like this!

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child most politely, 'but do you happen to have seen a Crocodile in these promiscuous parts?'

Then the Crocodile winked the other eye, and lifted half his tail out of the mud; and the Elephant's Child stepped back most politely, because he did not wish to be spanked again.

'Come hither, Little One,' said the Crocodile. 'Why do you ask such things?'

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child most politely, 'but my father has spanked me, my mother has spanked me, not to mention my tall aunt, the Ostrich, and my tall uncle, the Giraffe, who can kick ever so hard, as well as my broad aunt, the Hippopotamus, and my hairy uncle, the Baboon, and including the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake, with the scalesome, flailsome tail, just up the bank, who spanks harder than any of them; and so, if it's quite all the same to you, I don't want to be spanked any more.'

'Come hither, Little One,' said the Crocodile, 'for I am the Crocodile,' and he wept crocodile-tears to show it was quite true.

Then the Elephant's Child grew all breathless, and panted, and kneeled down on the bank and said, 'You are the very person I have been looking for all these long days. Will you please tell me what you have for dinner?'

'Come hither, Little One,' said the Crocodile, 'and I'll whisper.'

Then the Elephant's Child put his head down close to the Crocodile's musky, tusky mouth, and the Crocodile caught him by his little nose, which up to that very week, day, hour, and minute, had been no bigger than a boot, though much more useful.

'I think, said the Crocodile--and he said it between his teeth, like this--'I think to-day I will begin with Elephant's Child!'

At this, O Best Beloved, the Elephant's Child was much annoyed, and he said, speaking through his nose, like this, 'Led go! You are hurtig be!'

Then the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake scuffled down from the bank and said, 'My young friend, if you do not now, immediately and instantly, pull as hard as ever you can, it is my opinion that your acquaintance in the large-pattern leather ulster' (and by this he meant the Crocodile) 'will jerk you into yonder limpid stream before you can say Jack Robinson.'

This is the way Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snakes always talk.

Then the Elephant's Child sat back on his little haunches, and pulled, and pulled, and pulled, and his nose began to stretch. And the Crocodile floundered into the water, making it all creamy with great sweeps of his tail, and he pulled, and pulled, and pulled.

And the Elephant's Child's nose kept on stretching; and the Elephant's Child spread all his little four legs and pulled, and pulled, and pulled, and his nose kept on stretching; and the Crocodile threshed his tail like an oar, and he pulled, and pulled, and pulled, and at each pull the Elephant's Child's nose grew longer and longer--and it hurt him hijjus!

Then the Elephant's Child felt his legs slipping, and he said through his nose, which was now nearly five feet long, 'This is too butch for be!'

Then the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake came down from the bank, and knotted himself in a double-clove-hitch round the Elephant's Child's hind legs, and said, 'Rash and inexperienced traveller, we will now seriously devote ourselves to a little high tension, because if we do not, it is my impression that yonder self-propelling man-of-war with the armour-plated upper deck' (and by this, O Best Beloved, he meant the Crocodile), 'will permanently vitiate your future career.

That is the way all Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snakes always talk.

So he pulled, and the Elephant's Child pulled, and the Crocodile pulled; but the Elephant's Child and the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake pulled hardest; and at last the Crocodile let go of the Elephant's Child's nose with a plop that you could hear all up and down the Limpopo.

Then the Elephant's Child sat down most hard and sudden; but first he was careful to say 'Thank you' to the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake; and next he was kind to his poor pulled nose, and wrapped it all up in cool banana leaves, and hung it in the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo to cool.

'What are you doing that for?' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake.

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child, 'but my nose is badly out of shape, and I am waiting for it to shrink.

'Then you will have to wait a long time, said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake. 'Some people do not know what is good for them.'

The Elephant's Child sat there for three days waiting for his nose to shrink. But it never grew any shorter, and, besides, it made him squint. For, O Best Beloved, you will see and understand that the Crocodile had pulled it out into a really truly trunk same as all Elephants have to-day.

At the end of the third day a fly came and stung him on the shoulder, and before he knew what he was doing he lifted up his trunk and hit that fly dead with the end of it.

''Vantage number one!' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake. 'You couldn't have done that with a mere-smear nose. Try and eat a little now.'

Before he thought what he was doing the Elephant's Child put out his trunk and plucked a large bundle of grass, dusted it clean against his fore-legs, and stuffed it into his own mouth.

'Vantage number two!' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake. 'You couldn't have done that with a mear-smear nose. Don't you think the sun is very hot here?'

'It is,' said the Elephant's Child, and before he thought what he was doing he schlooped up a schloop of mud from the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo, and slapped it on his head, where it made a cool schloopy-sloshy mud-cap all trickly behind his ears.

'Vantage number three!' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake. 'You couldn't have done that with a mere-smear nose. Now how do you feel about being spanked again?'

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child, 'but I should not like it at all.'

'How would you like to spank somebody?' said the Bi- Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake.

'I should like it very much indeed,' said the Elephant's Child.

'Well,' said the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake, 'you will find that new nose of yours very useful to spank people with.'

'Thank you,' said the Elephant's Child, 'I'll remember that; and now I think I'll go home to all my dear families and try.'

So the Elephant's Child went home across Africa frisking and whisking his trunk. When he wanted fruit to eat he pulled fruit down from a tree, instead of waiting for it to fall as he used to do. When he wanted grass he plucked grass up from the ground, instead of going on his knees as he used to do. When the flies bit him he broke off the branch of a tree and used it as fly-whisk; and he made himself a new, cool, slushy-squshy mud-cap whenever the sun was hot. When he felt lonely walking through Africa he sang to himself down his trunk, and the noise was louder than several brass bands.

He went especially out of his way to find a broad Hippopotamus (she was no relation of his), and he spanked her very hard, to make sure that the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake had spoken the truth about his new trunk. The rest of the time he picked up the melon rinds that he had dropped on his way to the Limpopo--for he was a Tidy Pachyderm.

One dark evening he came back to all his dear families, and he coiled up his trunk and said, 'How do you do?' They were very glad to see him, and immediately said, 'Come here and be spanked for your 'satiable curtiosity.'

'Pooh,' said the Elephant's Child. 'I don't think you peoples know anything about spanking; but I do, and I'll show you.' Then he uncurled his trunk and knocked two of his dear brothers head over heels.

'O Bananas!' said they, 'where did you learn that trick, and what have you done to your nose?'

'I got a new one from the Crocodile on the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River,' said the Elephant's Child. 'I asked him what he had for dinner, and he gave me this to keep.'

'It looks very ugly,' said his hairy uncle, the Baboon.

'It does,' said the Elephant's Child. 'But it's very useful,' and he picked up his hairy uncle, the Baboon, by one hairy leg, and hove him into a hornet's nest.

Then that bad Elephant's Child spanked all his dear families for a long time, till they were very warm and greatly astonished. He pulled out his tall Ostrich aunt's tail-feathers; and he caught his tall uncle, the Giraffe, by the hind-leg, and dragged him through a thorn-bush; and he shouted at his broad aunt, the Hippopotamus, and blew bubbles into her ear when she was sleeping in the water after meals; but he never let any one touch Kolokolo Bird.

At last things grew so exciting that his dear families went off one by one in a hurry to the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees, to borrow new noses from the Crocodile. When they came back nobody spanked anybody any more; and ever since that day, O Best Beloved, all the Elephants you will ever see, besides all those that you won't, have trunks precisely like the trunk of the 'satiable Elephant's Child.